Firstly we are not Chav's, but my Mum decided to put the chip pan on by mistake when cooking the veg yesterday. Hence it caught fire between the starter and the turkey.

I did the normal manly thing. I took it outside screaming "fire". No damage, but a good story to go back to work with.

"How was your Christmas?"

"Fine bar the chip pan fire on Christmas Day................"

I have threatened my mum and Dad with a care home as a result.

My mum later claimed she didn't want bath salts but a new MFI kitchen!