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Netweather Urban Dictionary


shuggee

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Posted
  • Location: Upper Tweeddale, Scottish Borders 240m ASL
  • Location: Upper Tweeddale, Scottish Borders 240m ASL

    As many of you may remember, our very own Master of the urbane, Stratos Ferric, ran a thread last year based on the 'Washington Post Words' - to reflect the winter reality of this very Forum.

    The concept is to spell a word slightly wrong, change up to two letters, or add up to two extra letters.

    By sheer co-incidence I kept a copy on my pc - and we have agreed it is now time for some more light-hearted relief in the Seasonal Discussion Area.

    Over thirty members contributed last year - and this is a dedication to all your hard work.

    Here's last year's full list - and we'll see how many more terms we can come up with over the nail-biting winter model watching :unsure:

    Air mass - (n) what happens to an incoming (real or snowmantically forcasted) pool of very cold air that get deflected away at the last minute, often by a topler, and turning a potentially snowy winter back to a froasty wibsterly wonter

    Airmiss - Technical term for a GFS mild outlier.

    Analmometer - device for measuring the speed of bottom coughs.

    Angoraphobia - the irrational fear of wool-bearing goats and rabbits, or of the creatures that wear products made thereof.

    Anti-Cyclonic Groom - A High Pressure argument to marry, perpetuated by your boyfriend, that's going round in circles.

    Antiplode - (vi) to forward a theory of antipodean origin which soon implodes under the weight of its own fatousness.

    Artic - the roof-finish of the world.

    Aspect - what you get if you bend down in a chicken run.

    Asores High - The pain in seeing this ridge across the UK in winter.

    Atmosfear - The scare factor of following weather

    Attic wind - a cold wind from aloft.

    Balti Sea - An expanse of warm water, nicknamed after the Indian cooking mode.

    Bart let Hi - Looks like Bart Simpson has been playing about with long draws of SW'ly winds around a Euro high.

    Beasterly - the imagined characteristics of a wind off the continent between Nov-March, which often fail to materialise a anything other than cool, grey, damp, gloom: a key contributor in the average wonter as envisaged by a snomantic.

    Berificate - to mis-spell bifurcate, though other variants on this word are available.

    Berification (alt.) - the sudden relocation of a huge mass of exotic sea-ice into the North Sea...This phenomena can be predicted only by fully-paid-up members of PsiCet: Psychic Cetaceans...

    Blast From The Past - Status Quo.

    Blithard - it's going to snow buckets on Tuesday...

    Bluzzard - Bird of Prey which is 2nd only to a Waxwing in predicting cold weather.

    Bolock - a particular shape of Scandi High that can often give rise to a beasterly.

    Bozone (n.) - The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    BFS - Bulb Forecasting System (taken from earlier posts about light bulbs, back in 2004)

    CAPE - the cloak of the little known superhero thunderman

    Cape Cod - tornadic potential...

    Cashtration (n.) - The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    Climbatology - the study of scaling large walls in rain

    Coldrush - the increased population of a model disco thread when someone finds cold there.

    Complete winker - Patrick Moore.

    Congenital - a boast about one's private parts...

    Constantinipple - the former capital of the Byzantine Empire before it had a sex-change and became Istanball

    Continental Air Miss - a huge pool of cold air that develops over the continent which either stubbornly refuses to edge west, or is forced in another direction - but definitely not within 500 miles of the UK.

    Countrycide - to kill Piers Morgan.

    Could Outlier - the phenomenon of a control run that is clearly the coldest of all the ensembles, but could happen.

    c-rap - the sort of 'music' that hoodies like...

    Damn lines - Dam (dm) lines that are just in the wrong place for air sufficiently cold for wintry precipitation to be over the UK.

    Defebrillate - to apply shock therapy to disappointed weather watchers when wanter turns to wonter because of an absent beasterly, or an excess of pesterlies and notherlies.

    Demurr - to give way to an impenetrable torrent of teleconnected arguments for wonter, or a beasterly.

    Dermotological - Level-headed Irishman

    Diebate - to attempt to bring on death by pointless meandering: by way of random example, say, around the etymology behind words like "meteorology" and whether or not they can be taken to infer that ancient greeks used the moon to determine whether or not it was going to snow somewhere, or in the general vague hemispheric locale of somewhere, on or around the new moon, give or take three or four days, and irrespective of whether or not the present of front which shouldn't be there is clouding over what should be a clear sky.

    Diescuss - to take a relatively straightforward topic and discuss it to death.

    Dim-ocracy(n). A country where the government is freely-elected on the basis of one vote per person but where the criteria for election is based on whether or not there should be more speed-cameras on my way to work....whilst completely ignoring the more fundamental concerns of ordinary people eg, will I still have a job in 5 years' time even if I don't speak Mandarin/Hindi?

    Who is going to pay for my pension?

    How do I get rid of the cat that craps in my garden?

    Discust - off line slating of on-line forecasting idiocy.

    Dreamland High - self explanatory

    Druggery - a dull job that requires stimulants etc

    East from the East - Any easterly, accompanied with a splendid piece of circular logic about how easterly winds always bring lots of snow because the winds are easterly.

    East Coest Showers - The arrival of weather from the East in winter months often means coastal fringes see wintry showers, which generate much excitement initially, but turn out to be rather conservative penetrating only 3 miles inland. Much like our beloved Olympic gold medalist and erstwhile MP/Lord. 'Back the Bid' is the mating cry to try to see ppn in central England.

    Eastern Eurpoean Could - The projected pooling of bitterly cold air in eastern Europe over the coming week, which although not in any way coming even within 500 miles of our shores, 'with only a slight change in the current set-up might give us a month of blizzards'.

    Eat Anglia - (colloq) what the North Sea does if winters carry on getting warmer.

    Extripeolate - (v) to look at a modelled projection, and to stretch it out of all sensible proportion, often on the basis of a ypothesis

    F'all - less than 65cm of overnight snow...

    Fadvection - the latest meterological technobabble to explain why berifications are leading to Nomega blocks and notherlies or pesterlies, typical of the modern wonter with all its sno.

    Fanny - amusing but rude.

    Fartlett High - Describes the wet warmth pumped in by this troublesome phenomenon

    Femail (n) - A circular email spread primarily by females insisting that the recipient carry out certain repetitive actions within a limited timescale in order to avoid bad luck for a predetermined length of time

    Forcast - a forecast which is hopelessly biased towards a particular (often cold) outcome.

    Foreploy (v) - Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

    Foreguessable - future.

    Formum - every forum has got a mother

    Fosscilate - (vi) to hang on to long outmoded theories regarding whether or not something is changing.

    Full moron - what you get if you do the above when the moon is shing brightly and all the warmth is condensing out into space, or something...

    Fourcastors – a set of mobility aids which allows the viewer to fire his armchair backward and forwards in time with the new BBC Weather Map to avoid aviation sickness,

    Frailway - a transport network for the elderly and infirm

    Fredmason - a member of a secret brotherhood who inadvertently identifies himself in public.

    Froast – (1) (n) the stuff you get on the ground from a cloudy night in a wibsterly flow, when you might reasonably be expecting frost from a beasterly under a full moon. Close relative of no. Often found during a typical wonter.

    Froast (2) - the type of frost you get when the night time temperature doesn't fall below 4C or so.

    Frozac - an anti-depressant taken by those hoping for a wanter but experiencing only a wonter. Often leads to strange interpretations of maps with lines on them, and can make everything appear like it's coming from the East.

    Full Moan - What Hobbits do if we dare to question their ideas.

    Fweeze - a groaning sound that one makes when looking at the latest GFS run, and seeing nothing but pesterlies for the foreseeable

    The Gazza Strip - Conflict brought about by false tits.

    Gin Corridor - the walkway leading to Alcoholics Anonymous...

    Giraffiti (n) - Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    Golf stream (1) - Sometime bringer of the sort of weather that necessitates the donning of horrific trousers, in order to hit ones balls around the countryside.

    Golf stream (2) - The reason people keep getting killed by random balls in western Scotland

    Gondensation - the absence of the normal condensation that forms, rather irritatingly, on your car window - most often when you're in a hurry - following a froasty night.

    Greenland Sigh - a constant bemoaning of the fact we never get a robust ridge over Greenland in key winter months.

    Hidrology - saying hi to a partially formed cloud

    High Pressure - The state of the atmosphere on N-W in an impending cold spell

    High miserability - Where a person cant see past a certain viewpoint, as he/she are so miserable.

    Hurrycane - The rush of systems to start sownality

    Hype-ressure: A favourable pressure system envisaged and forcasted, often by extripeolation, as bringing snow during wanter, invariably from Shangri-Lah

    Hypeful - the nature of an unrealistic forecast for prodigious quantities of snow

    Iberian High - (n) close, but much more genial, relative of the Siberian High.

    Iisland - misinterpretating the weather

    Intaxication - The initial feeling of elation upon receiving a tax rebate only to find that the money was actually yours in the first place.

    Jet-set-go - The starting call for the flat zonal jet.

    Kon - to persuade the impressionable that you alone have knowledge formerly known to the ancients that enables you to predict the weather years ahead, interpret Stonehenge, etc etc. (subsidiary meaning - to persuade the same group that those who require evidence of above, or point out flaws in theory, are narrow-minded fools, terrified of the truth.)

    Lapdog - a very nice laptop

    Leasterly - The condition conducive of nothing happening from the least

    Lot down - the general mood on the board when a Rhino from the Rhine doesn't materialise.

    Malady - March of the severely jaundiced beaks.

    Meeteorology - the chance to meet your favourite weather conditions

    Metrogression - modern trendy take on the more traditional westerly movements of areas of high pressure and CAMs (see above). Now more likely to move SSW or WNW.

    MFI - Similar to FI, but you have to make it up yourself.

    Missed - what you get when it's too warm and windy for fog or mist to form.

    Moanlit - (adj) the characteristic whereby an individual (or individuals), having waxed about the moon sucking the warmth and cloud out of the air - as if by magic - then suffers a letdown leading to heavy froast and considerable gondensation, and much wailing in the aisles.

    Mondylosis - tension in the vertebrae, brought about by carrying heavy postbags.

    Moron - what you get if you put r into the middle of moon.

    Mudel [1] - a collective noun for a confusion of models, particularly when all the models point to a sno-y wonter, leading to a glut of snomantic forcasting.

    Mudel [2] - to disappear under an array of inconsistent model runs. To struggle to make sense of why the models all show mild, despite the fact that we all know we are about to enter a cold-spell of nuclear-winter proportions.

    Mudel Watching - the mixed emotions generated by those who avidly view analogue weather-prediction outputs.

    Mundering - the art of messing things up on mondays after having a rough weekend.

    Murrk - a long, technical, and impenetrable exposition on berification, or why there's either no or a pesterly, occasionally drifting into snowmantic forcasting.

    Nexcitement - the projection of fantastic events to come on the basis of systems "intending" to come our way or "having our name on them" or "wanting to push cold air our way". Often offered as a palliative during a spell of Xexcitement.

    No - What you get when it doesn't snow, because you take the SW'ly out of the snow.

    Noball: the thing you make with no, when it hasn't snowed.

    Nofear - a popular and modern extreme sports (such as snow boarding, skiing) company providing clothing and accessories.

    Nomega block - the oft forcasted HP area that invariably doesn't happen resulting in prodigious sno during the typical wonter.

    No'pesterly - wind that is vectored somewhere between a notherly and a pesterly: once upon a time it might have brought wintry showers, nowadays it brings only sno.

    Nort-Easterly - wind direction that delivers sod all.

    North Atlantic Drift Shotdown - the much discussed theoretical end to the gulf stream's affect of delivering energy to northern latitudes from the tropics on a conveyer-current, which has yet to be proved as sound science.

    Not-weather - dull, gloomy and boring periods of weather.

    Notherly - A northerly wind that doesn't happen, usually, though not necessarily, because of a toppler.

    Noway - the last line of defence against cold air from the East.

    Noworries - a popular Australian expression used to express fear of another hot winter.

    Nuddles - Accumulations of undrifted no.

    Obsurv - (vi) an obsurd weather observation e.g. , here in Bristol, although the temperatures across the area are 8C, it's been snowing heavily and we have at least 25cm

    Optimal allusion - someone posted yesterday that all the teleconnections are in-place for a '1963' or '47' winter to start next week...

    Optical ellusion - the appearance of a chart that makes one think that the flow in a beasterly / rhino from the rhine, when in fact it's a southerly, often brought on by patches of blue over Siberia on the charts.

    Osillate - to moderate wildly between behavioural extremes...

    Ottlook - a forward projection, often a forcast (sic) (ibid) in support of wantery conditions, despite the outlook for a typical wonter, which goes way over the top in terms of reliability.

    Overpast - The condition describing where no in an overcast sky misses one place and hits another.

    Oztracize - To expel, from a community or group, to the Antipodes.

    Palcoholic - someone addicted to Friends

    Pelevision - a tv channel dedicated to the star of Brazilian football

    Pesterly - A somewhat annoying wind that, despite all the teleconnection forecasts, full moons, tripoles, dipoles, trends, polar-vortex shifts, warm-air advections into Greenland, Artic highs and all other 'things a'brewin - keeps on blowing for 2/3s of the year...bringing more mild sh**te our way

    Peteorology [1] - The study of the weather Peter Tattum style.

    Peteorology [2] - the art of forcasting beasterlys on willpaper.

    Phone effect - To sit outside in ones shorts, enjoying the unexpected warm weather, whilst on the blower to ones freezing mates on the other side of the hills.

    Polarvor Tex - an American country singer/weather forecaster, who keeps thinking of moving out west...He never moves though!

    Polygon - Missing Parrot!!!

    Pooland - A country where it can all go wrong should any westward progress of cold air make it past the Stoppes.

    Popey - Leader of the Catholic order of spinach eating sailors.

    Pop Idle - singing careers one year on.

    Pranter - a printer that doesn't work, causing ranting from the owner.

    Postential - the agonising "if only" debrief that tends to occur following disappointing events like a Continental Air Miss. Can revolve around mudels and failed forcasts and ypotheses.

    Preject - to take a projection, e.g. a model run, and to argue why the outcome is wrong (where the projection is mild) or right (when it is cold).

    Probaly - Ian-speak for "Yes"

    Procarious - (adj) the presentation of an exceedingly tenuous argument in support of something that really isn't shown, but which is desired

    reign - the predominant weather type in the UK wonter.

    Relleconnection...When Aunt Mavis form British Columbia 'phones to say that the PFJ is about to berificate, and this will inevitably lead to an Omega Block...It's going to snow!

    Ringer - an antipodean gentleman who 'phones to let you know that the sky's clear - as it's a full moon. Who when, having looked out your window and you report to him that its in fact raining - tells you in no uncertain term 'no it's not'...You say 'yes it is'...no it's not...yes it is...ad nauseum

    Rong - the sound of a fallen forecast striking terra firma somewhere outside London, or in Portugal.

    Rossby Wave - Ross B is about to leave the forum...

    Saday - similar to Fryday

    Sandi High - A high pressure over Scandinavia that ridges well into the heart of continental Europe and brings such a long southerly draw that we see falls of Saharan dust.

    Sandy High - The trajectory at which this supposedly favourable high, sits, bringing Saharan dust to the UK

    Secondary Condimentalisation - As cold moist air moves over even colder areas inland, with pockets of particularly cold air (often after a harsh night frost), all precipitation is likely to turn to vinegar.

    See Surface Temperatures - the dangerous occurrence of untrained eyes pouring over anomaly charts and not understanding the science behind how they affect the weather - but still making bold predictions of 'a repeat of 62/63'.

    Signz - (there's another 1947 on the way) - there's disagreement in the ensembles at T=288...Not to be confused with any rubbish S-F story with which the word might rhyme.

    Slowwatch - weather related discussion chat rooms where the speed of refresh of the site is direct proportion to the average quality of discussion.

    Smiled - emotion describing the mild ramper in a zonal period

    Smist - Gondensation arising from the Earth's core heating the Oceans.

    Snizzle - I know it's snowing really. It's just that I cannot see it!

    Snog - that white stuff that gets everywhere when, after looking out the window first thing and seeing deep no everywhere, you realize that it was the freezing-fog what done it...

    Snoh - the verbal outburst when anticipated precipitation falls as liquid, rather than solid.

    Snomantic - someone who hopes against all reasonable and justifiable hope that it will snow, and never gives up on their dream regardless of all evidence to the contrary.

    Snown goal - when the progged leasterly turns into a boring pesterly, and there are twenty-foot nodrifts everywhere...

    Snow Risky Percentage - A sure-fire non-event of falling wintry precipitation for the numbers 0 - 99%, unless the computer gives 100%, and then it will be marginal.

    Snowvember - A month that rarely lives up to its name.

    Southerly Tricking Jet Stream - the oft vaunted but ne'er materialised 'hint' by numerical modelling that at any moment the Jet Stream will take a southerly dive over Iberia and deliver an astonshingly cold period of winter to the UK.

    Sownality - The creation of the movement of low pressure systems from the pest.

    Speculatté - to project forwards with an excessively frothy projection.

    Spit-stop - to expel saliva, whilst waiting for a fuel fill up and tyre change.

    Stelleconnection - The action where upon beer is needed to quash the site of the positive NAO

    Stoppes - the vast expansive of north Eurasian flatlands behind which considerable pools of seasonably cold air often develop in winter: so called because they tend to stop any westward progress of the air.

    Sunny Intervales - periods of sunshine that are weak and due to 'anti-cyclonic gloom', are always shrowded in thin cloud.

    Sun[shi]te - the kind of warm, sunny, spring-like weather that leads to piles of very warm no. Disperses missed in the absence of any wind to do the same.

    Sun[shi'i]te – Iraqi heat and desert weather.

    Superseeded - what I've done to Mrs OON three times.

    Synopetic - a meteorological situation that offers no prospect of snow and every possibility of sno.

    Tamperature - (n) temperature values which are randomly changed from measured values in order to make a spurious argument re climatic change: e.g. decrease in tamperature

    Teleconnections - When the TV forecast show something vaguely similar to the models.

    Testiculate - to wave ones gonads about in an eager and demonstrative fashion: of course, it's easier if you're a man. I could bend the rules and offer Breasticulate of course. I used to work with a girl who was great at that - and it worked as well with the middle aged men and schoolboys.

    Thames Snow Dreamer - the night-time unconscious vision of a ENE'ly wind of sufficient cold to create 'Lake Effect Snow' depositing up to 1m in areas of the Home Counties.

    Thuddery Wintry Showers - the noise of cold lovers fainting at the increasingly rare instances of falling wintry precipitation.

    Thus - some forcasts lead to a coldrush to see whether the pesterly dominated, no filled wonter might be replaced by the type of beasterly wanter hyped up at the start of winter. Some members speculattéd that the latest GFS models had it all wrong...

    Tripe-hole - The source of many BsFTE that never materialize.

    Troposphere - over the arctic - how ironic

    Trype - to put into print an argument based on a load of garbage and swine fodder. A precursor to antiplosion.

    Unshine - the kind of poo-ey weather that accompanies a beast from the SSE. Gloomy, and dank. Guaranteed to bring a cool, no-full day.

    Uppour - the anger at reign taking over once again

    Urban Eat Island - a small area in every town and city that is predominately made up of fast food 'restaurants' and take-aways, that leave their doors open 24/7, creating a pool of stagnant warm air.

    Verisimilitude alt sp verisenilitude - today's GFS 06Z looks very similar to that of Feb 4th 1888, and as I remember it well (I'm verisenile) - the rest of this winter will be an exact rerun of that year...

    Wangrilah - a distant country where upside-down people with white beards and wizzarding-gowns endlessly flog things to death...In certain instances, Wangrilah has been mistaken for New Zealand. Not so with Portugal, however; Portugal is in England.

    wanter' - the winter which we do want.

    Wantograph - a scaling device loved by snow rampers; it can turn a millimetre of snow into a foot...

    Water cycle - soaking a pedestrian by cycling uncaringly through a puddle at the side of the road

    Weether - small clouds, small raindrops, etc.

    Wenter - a season that was touted as one to tell the grandchildren about which actually-passed by virtually unnoticed...

    Wibsterly - a somewhat erratic and unpredictable pesterly always out in FI that somehow never quite arrives; but always predicted with considerable certainty and enthusiasm...

    Wild Outlier - the phenomenon of a control run that has mild SSW'lys with a long draw from the Azores, circulating around a Bartlett-type set-up, with temps across the UK in the mid teens. Which of course is wildly inaccurate and won't happen as there's a cold spell coming.

    Willpaper - a roll of wallpaper on which a forcast has been produced.

    Wind up - The annoying nature of moving air.

    Winter of sexty three - an unlikely once-in-a-lifetime occurrence of a menage a trois

    Wonter - the cold season that is often expected between Nov-Mar in the northern hemisphere, but which often fails to materialise.

    Wontry showers - the type of showers you invariably get in promising marginal situations during a wonter leading to heavy no, despite previous mudels forcasting snowfall.

    Wot snow - a question, particularly in lowland areas and Abingdon, that often follows a projection for wet snow: more likely outcome if the projection was based on a forcast rather than a forecast.

    Xexcitement - the feeling that follows the previous excitement that has now disappeared because of a snown goal from the mudels, characterised by comments like "it all looked so good yesterday"...

    Ypothesise - the art of favouring and extolling a particular predictive technique without bothering to establish any sound scientific principles for that technique: sometimes favoured by citizens of the southern hemisphere.

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    Posted
  • Location: Norfolk
  • Location: Norfolk

    The 13z - a secret GFS run released only to a few rose-tinted forecaters an hour after the zonal express.

    The Zonal Express - GFS 12z incarnation which has shares in Northerly Jet PLC, a subsidiary company of A Strong El Nino In Every Yard PLC, the founding comany responsible for Where's Me Whiteout? Ltd

    Passipitation - a band of heavy snow showers which dumps over the Atlantic/Channel/North Sea

    Whist Is Best - a card game played on evenings dominated by SWerly winds

    The Aye In The Sky - an inflatable Ali G doll which is permanently positioned 3 miles off the coast of Yarmouth to detect incoming Siberian weather.

    Avwemore - A town in Scotland currently under investigation for stealing snow from needy southerners

    See ET - an event with the same chance of occuring as predicting the monthly temperature

    Winteresting synoptics - oh look how cold it is at T384, I can see this coming off!

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    Posted
  • Location: Ponteland
  • Location: Ponteland

    I really like your passipitation SM-it gives thoughts of great left trouser legabolities.

    I really like your passipitation SM-it gives thoughts of great left trouser legabolities.

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    Posted
  • Location: New Ash green 150M / 500 FT
  • Location: New Ash green 150M / 500 FT

    Funtasy Ireland- A remote location of Ireland near to dublin where our our Irish contingent like John Cox live...

    Dewpint- The cold condensation observed on the side of your glass of Fosters

    S

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    Posted
  • Location: Steeton, W Yorks, 270m ASL
  • Location: Steeton, W Yorks, 270m ASL

    Having had the sort of day / week / fortnight that reminds me of the famous Brent Dadler (I think) out-take from News at Ten, where he signs off "Brent Sadler, for N @ Ten, outside Westminster...wet, cold, sore feet, hungry, miles from home, kids at expensive school mortgaged up to the hilt...." you cannot know how humanising it has been to see this list once again and let rip a few hearty roars.

    The way things are shaping up this, Fantasy winter, SATSIGs and the CET game might be closest any of us gets to wintry weather this year.

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    Posted
  • Location: Reigate, Surrey 105 m (top floor 120m)
  • Location: Reigate, Surrey 105 m (top floor 120m)

    "B'ah 'T Lett" - infuential European high pressure system casting its influence as far as Yorkshire and leading to famous folk song sung in disconcertingly mild weather "on Ilkey Moor B'ah 'T Lett"

    "Icy Bras" - invisible lines (espec during adolescence) linking addresses of girls reluctant to remove underwear

    "Deep Depression" - direct result of follwing an Icy Bra

    "Front" - ahem

    "Beau Fort" - attractive (but breezy) castle

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    Posted
  • Location: Bournemouth
  • Location: Bournemouth

    GSF - Global Snowcasting Foundation

    Misterious - Strange weather phenomenom, which defies explanation by all wanter experts.

    Wet Stream - Source of mild and moist (but not murrky) wonter weather. Also a sticky substance that often appears after the GSF's 18z charts are produced.

    www.wetterz-entrail.de - Highly regarded source of GSF archive charts

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    Guest Viking141

    OK heres my contribution. Ladies & Gentlemen I give you the Beaufart Scale:

    FORCE DESCRIPTION OBSERVED EFFECTS

    0 Calm Nothing happeing despite your best efforts.

    1 Light airs The sort of slight "parp" which leaves one slightly disappointed.

    2 Light breeze No "parp" this time but much more smelly - aka the "Silent But Deadly" leading to a delayed reaction in the recipient and the accusation "f**k me was that you?"

    3 Gentle Breeze A bit louder this time but not so loud that you cant blame the dog and get away with it!

    4 Moderate Breeze A good, all round fart with a meaty aroma tending towards rotten eggs. Dog sniffs his own backside quizzically.

    5 Fresh Breeze One of those farts where the urge to lift ones bottom cheeks and let rip becomes very strong, often leading to marital discord.

    6 Strong Breeze And strong smell too! A real ripsnorter which causes everyone, including the dog, to leave the room in disgust, leaving you to chuckle hysterically to yourself.

    7 Near Gale A real danger of "follow-through" from this one which causes the next-door neighbour to bang on the wall and complain about the noise.

    8 Gale The one that rips the hole in your trousers or for those of the female persuasion give you that "Marilyn Monroe" moment. Dog flees the house whining piteously.

    9 Severe Gale Even the perpetrator feels nauseous at this one! Should be reserved only for Aunts that you dont really like and Jehovas Witnesses. UN Security Council becomes concerned that you may be secretly developing WMD's.

    10 Storm "Follow through" no longer a suspicion but a distinct possibility. Aroma almost unbearable. UN Security Council demands you allow inspectors to examine your "facilities."

    11 Violent Storm You're really starting to regret that Vindaloo you had last night arent you? US threatens unilateral military action.

    12 Hurricane It really is time for a change of underwear methinks. Neighbours don protective NBC suits and gas masks. The cruise missiles are en-route by the way!

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    Posted
  • Location: Bournemouth
  • Location: Bournemouth

    Mandy the Slumsy - A well known Net Weather member's alter-ego, who lives in a tennament in Glasgee and drinks Buckie for breakfast.

    Whyte Christmas - A cause for celebration. No better way to be festive than a Sibrerian High.

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    Posted
  • Location: Nr. Tunbridge Wells, Kent/Sussex border
  • Location: Nr. Tunbridge Wells, Kent/Sussex border

    Viking - that had me laughing my pants off!!!

    Thank you for cheering me up on an otherwise disappointing day!

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    Posted
  • Location: Rugby, Warks
  • Weather Preferences: Dangerous
  • Location: Rugby, Warks

    Siberian Hi[pe] - A call for ultra-continental type cold based upon the fact that one or more of the isobars passing over the UK must herald the arrival of a source of air that once originated near Verkhoyansk, at some time in a previous life.

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    Posted
  • Location: Stevenage - Herts (110m ASL)
  • Location: Stevenage - Herts (110m ASL)

    These are really funny

    My thoughts

    High Pressure - Result of too much model watching to be treated by omega 3 (block)

    Low Pressure - Beware, severe low pressure can cause fainting attacks. Suggest lay down until fainting fit passes.

    Assembles - A group of statistics assembled together to show where the forecast compelety messed up.

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  • Location: Brixton, South London
  • Location: Brixton, South London

    Neitherly (noun): An eagerly awaited northerly/north easterly confidently expected to bring widespread snow but which almost invariably brings isolated snow showers to the Aberdeenshire Plateau (above 800m) and reputed sleet showers to Cromer.

    Regards

    ACB

    Thames Streamurr (noun): semi-mythical phenomenon confidently forecast to bring heavy snow/blizzards etc.etc. across London and the greater part of south east England but which rarely results in anything more than the odd flurry in Bexleyheath.

    Regards

    ACB

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  • Location: Steeton, W Yorks, 270m ASL
  • Location: Steeton, W Yorks, 270m ASL

    Conorbation (n): A strange settlement where the normal rules of UHI (urban heat island) are thrown into reverse; the lower down, and closer to the urban core you go, the colder it is.

    Fourcast (vi).

    The tendency of someone to offer multiple forecasts and projections, e.g. for the monthly CET. Can be brought on by extripolation and a tendency to Demurr.

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  • Location: Putney, SW London. A miserable 14m asl....but nevertheless the lucky recipient of c 20cm of snow in 12 hours 1-2 Feb 2009!
  • Location: Putney, SW London. A miserable 14m asl....but nevertheless the lucky recipient of c 20cm of snow in 12 hours 1-2 Feb 2009!

    SNOWDRIFT - tendency for a thread on any subject in the Forum to meander into discussions about wintry precipitation. A similar tendency to bring up Gulf Stream Shutdown is, of course, known as NORTH ATLANTIC DRIFT.

    SNO - depressingly self-explanatory

    FRAZING - a description of very cold weather with badly arranged words.

    BITTER - a desperate plea, in German, for a Wetterzentrale chart to predict very cold weather.

    SNOWBIZ - a company that makes good money selling dramatic and ficticious forecasts that warn of seriously wintry weather.

    SNAW - annoying noise made by sleeping middle-aged men when dreaming of white stuff.

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  • Location: Rossland BC Canada
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada

    Lapse rate -- The speed with which SACRA members return to predictions of snow after a recent non-event.

    Storm track -- A path approximately 300 miles north of where the GFS depicts future storm activity.

    Jest stream -- What you will find at SATSIGS headquarters around November to March.

    Downdraught -- Activity preferred by long-range forecasters at their local pub. Recommended after making the forecast, although many say, makes little difference.

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    lol excellent posts :)

    Samaritans - The bunch of people who get inundated with phone calls from snow rampers on NW because its snowing but not here which begs to ask... Will it snow in........?? :)

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  • Location: Poole
  • Weather Preferences: Extremes, inc Snow and Wind
  • Location: Poole

    NETWEATHER.TV - A funky new name for NETWEATHER.COM (An attempt to increase the commercial fortunes of the site (Everybody likes TV))

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  • Location: Upper Tweeddale, Scottish Borders 240m ASL
  • Location: Upper Tweeddale, Scottish Borders 240m ASL

    Abores High - The semi permanent area of high pressure centred to the SW of the UK which delivers mild SW'ly winds, rain and despair.

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