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Match of the season -- my LRF according to football commentators


Roger J Smith

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Posted
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada

    The RJS winter forecast, but described by football commentators

    Well, welcome to Villa Park for this very exciting match between Winterborough and Satsigs United.

    As you know, it's been years and years since Winterborough took even a point from the powerhouse of the Premier Weather League, I think it was 1987 before most of these players were out of school. But some weather writers are saying this match could be one for the ages, as Winterborough have a brand new manager, and some strong service from north to south.

    Yes, it's strange to see Westisbest managing Winterborough this season, after playing so many years with Satsigs, but the players have really taken to him, and they are ready to give their all for a below normal CET.

    There's Stratos Ferric, he's the veteran manager of Satsigs, looking confident that his men will prevail again with their zonal style of play and Viking in goal ready to repel any advances from the north.

    Play underway now, there's Piers Corbyn in the stands, I think he was shouting for a few goals while the workmen were still fixing up the pitch from the summer rains, but now he's dozing off. But everyone else here seems quite excited, the play is end to end with Stormchaser running energetically down the east wing, threatening to score every thirteen days or so.

    The Enforcer and Pit are of course the legendary back line of Satsigs, they continue to look for mild southwesterlies and feed them forward to January Snowstorm, who knows what to do with them.

    First thirty days now, it's looking rather good for Winterborough, a nice little northerly developing, quite an energetic move by the new moon event, that's Fred, the Brazilian, like all of them he has no last name, running smoothly through the middle and feeding Stormchaser with a juicy vortmax, but it's deflected just north by Viking, and the Faeroese have to scramble to safety.

    Oh look, there's Chairman Rollo in the VIP section, he was a standout for Winterborough from 1956 to 1987 before finally retiring, and the team just hasn't been the same since. They brought in the Canadian international, RJ Smith, but he's blowing hot and cold, so far he just keeps missing by a few hundred miles on the easterly service and that's been the problem for this team.

    Getting near to Christmas now, quite a wind blowing, will it turn more northerly? Stratos Ferric looking a bit concerned, his players are all at sea, and Winterborough will have to feel that they were unlucky not to get more snow out of that fierce northwest gale, but it's a corner, the Welsh players have the snow but they tend to keep it to themselves, and the west wing goes wanting. Still a scoreless draw after a normal December, lots to play for here.

    Middle of the season now, RJ Smith signals retrogression and all eyes are on Mercury, the African player of the year in 1987, but his form since then rather dubious. But what's this, Mercury has got the ball rolling from east to west, looks like Timbo is on to it, Westisbest shouting encouragement. Lady P is up in the VIP box with Rollo, she's only eighteen and so has never seen snow. But she looks excited now. Oh, would you believe it, half time, just when Winterborough had the snow in the North Sea. Desperately unlucky, you would have to say there.

    Second half now, Winterborough all over the map, Satsigs are hemmed in, it's snowing like mad, and England manager John Holmes likes what he's seeing from Teits, who has finally started to see things coming towards him. The crowd are freezing but they're loving this old-fashioned winter blast, although Viking can't see the ball for all this snow and has let one in, yes it's one nil now for Winterborough, can you believe it?

    Getting into the last thirty days of the season now, Westisbest has a broad smile on his face, Sir Westisbest of course, mustn't forget that. Rollo seems beside himself. RJ Smith seems a bit listless in midfield though, funny that because this time in the match last year he was saving Winterborough from relegation with that February snowfall in Luton Town, what's this, he's walking off, let's see if our on-field reporter can get a word with him ... yes, seems that RJ has given up on Winterborough, says it's all turning warm now, the rest of the team looking anxious as Steve Murr says let's watch out for that AO, and yes, there it is, a big one too, all those above normal SSTs coming home to roost, Satsigs United are pouring it on, Steve Prudence has made a great run up the middle and put it past the hapless Snowmaiden, it's all even now.

    Getting near the end, the managers doing their sums, Stratos Ferric says it's milder than the thirty year, Westisbest is adamant it's colder than the ten year, the referee is looking at his watch, he's adding one extra day, but it's going to be a draw, a very exciting match nevertheless, and full value for money I think.

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    Posted
  • Location: South Derbyshire nr. Burton on Trent, Midlands, UK: alt 262 feet
  • Weather Preferences: Extreme winter cold,heavy bowing snow,freezing fog.Summer 2012
  • Location: South Derbyshire nr. Burton on Trent, Midlands, UK: alt 262 feet

    Love it Roger, brilliant :D , must get winter boots on and get fit for the reserves :D

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    Posted
  • Location: Southend on Sea, London, Jarnac in France
  • Location: Southend on Sea, London, Jarnac in France

    Hi Roger

    Brilliant..... Absolute blinder as they say in footie parlance, I think you writting skills are getting quite a following, I'd love to hear some post match interviews....

    :D:D

    Cheers

    FC

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    Posted
  • Location: Eastbourne, East Sussex (work in Mid Sussex)
  • Location: Eastbourne, East Sussex (work in Mid Sussex)

    Another superb literary piece Roger, I seemed to have missed the preliminary rounds, when did Abingdon bow out?

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    Posted
  • Location: Norton, Stockton-on-Tees
  • Weather Preferences: Snow and cold in winter, warm and sunny in summer
  • Location: Norton, Stockton-on-Tees
    Love it Roger.

    Ditto! Brought a smile to my face! :D

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    Posted
  • Location: Kemnay, Aberdeenshire AB51 - 135m/440ft asl
  • Location: Kemnay, Aberdeenshire AB51 - 135m/440ft asl

    Brilliant!.. sure made me smile :D

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    Posted
  • Location: Merseyside
  • Location: Merseyside
    Lady P is up in the VIP box with Rollo, she's only eighteen and so has never seen snow. But she looks excited now.

    Bless you, you poor deluded, charming, fool!

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    Posted
  • Location: Northern Kent [Higham]
  • Location: Northern Kent [Higham]
    he was saving Winterborough from relegation with that February snowfall in Luton Town

    Mr Crazy Snowman would be so happy 'lootons' got a mention

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    A funny read to start my day! Thank you Roger :D

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    Posted
  • Location: Upton, Northampton.
  • Weather Preferences: Snow, storms
  • Location: Upton, Northampton.
    I just had this thought of a Spanish commentator yelling

    C-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-DDDDDDDD B) :o :doh:

    HAHAHAHAHA B) :o B) :o

    I can just imagine that!!!

    COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDD COOOLD COOOOOLD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLDDDD!!! :lol: :lol:

    Brilliant!

    Did you used to live in Britain Roger? Because I am surprised a canadian knows that much about soccer :D

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    Posted
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada

    Yes, I was born in the Midlands and have played and/or followed "soccer" most of my life, but it is not that unusual here, some selected Premier games are on live and also the Euro Cup and other international soccer -- they had 50,000 out to see David Beckham here a few days ago, unfortunately for the progress of the game, it was a 0-0 tie. It will be a while yet before the game surpasses the level of interest it has been stuck at for most of my lifetime (in both Canada and the USA) but I think it will probably happen if a genuine world-class player emerges from over here, which is a big ask when there isn't that much being played and the best natural athletes go into other sports. But it probably will happen and then I think the game will grow further. It is seen in some quarters as a women's sport ( :) ) which is rather humorous if you've played but there you have it.

    C-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

    C-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-DDDDDDDDDDD

    Esta suprema cold. B)

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    Posted
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada
  • Location: Rossland BC Canada

    Well, the season is about to start, Winterborough already on the pitch, not "warming up" as most teams do, but "cooling down" and even spreading a bit of snow around the sidelines just to encourage their supporters.

    Satsigs United still in the locker room, listening to the inspirational message from their manager, he's saying, "don't worry about artificial cold, that won't last."

    What a cracking game this will be, both teams in exceptional recent form, although Winterborough largely overseas on their successful autumn exhibition tour.

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    Posted
  • Location: Atherstone on Stour: 160ft asl
  • Location: Atherstone on Stour: 160ft asl
    Well, the season is about to start, Winterborough already on the pitch, not "warming up" as most teams do, but "cooling down" and even spreading a bit of snow around the sidelines just to encourage their supporters.

    Satsigs United still in the locker room, listening to the inspirational message from their manager, he's saying, "don't worry about artificial cold, that won't last."

    What a cracking game this will be, both teams in exceptional recent form, although Winterborough largely overseas on their successful autumn exhibition tour.

    Hi Rog, is it going to be a winter of two-halves ?? Will we be "Over the moon" or "Sick as parrotts" ???

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