Tom Montalbano

Totally agree with you Lottie. I've noticed that most of those individuals wishing for more heatwave conditions, live up to the North and North West of the Country. I had my usual Afternoon Siesta, which is absolutely necessary after my stamina was severely affected by the Stroke I experienced in September 2015, especially as I'm not being able to sleep that well at Night, due to the accumulated heat in our Bedroom, and an ongoing medical condition. Even though, as you can see from the Meteociel chart below, fortunately the Relative Humidity has now dropped to 44%, after being in the 60's and 70's, for the past few Days. To reference my Italian Mother, it does seem to me that our Climate is becoming more Mediterranean like. Some members of Joe Public and indeed Netweather, are under the misconception that heat automatically equates to Thunder. I was fortunate to meet South East Meteorologist Ian Currie, around ten Years ago and during the very warm Summer of 2018, I had a conversation with Mr. Currie, regarding the lack of Thunder Days during the Summer Months in South East England. His reply is still ringing in my ears. He remarked that quote: "It can be as hot as Hell, if there is no trigger in the Atmosphere, it simply won't Thunder. I vividly remember walking down to our local Supermarket with my Wife, one very warm late Sunday Morning. A few clouds were trying to form above our heads but were quickly dissipating, in front of our eyes. The Atmosphere was simply too dry to support any cloud formation. Even though the Youtube clip I posted back up the Thread was of serious flooding after a Hailstorm/Cloudburst, emptied over my Mother's home Town of Caserta, the main thundery action seems to happen in the transition from Summer to Autumn. High pressure that has been dominating the Mediterranean during the Summer Months, eventually gets eroded and Atlantic sourced air starts to invade the Med. Basin. Italy does experience T/Storms during the Summer Months but these tend to be of the dry, electrical variety, that form over the mountainous interior. As we know, Italy is a very narrow Peninsula, and Sea Breezes converge from the Adriatic to the East, and the Tyrrhenian Sea to the West, and trigger electrical Storms over the Appenine Mountain range. If you view the Youtube video clip that I posted earlier this Afternoon, if you look closely enough you can see the lightning clearly illuminating the Appenine mountains, to the East of Caserta. As you can see from the map of Southern Italy below, Caserta sits in the Plain of Campania, with the Appenine Mountsains, to the East. When I visited Caserta in October 1997, I witnessed a couple of "humdingers". During one my Cousin was driving down to our Uncles, in nearby Castellamare, the Autostrada [Italian Motorway], soon became awash with rainwater rushing down from the sides of the Road. There was a lot of aquaplaning going on, and it became a very scary journey. Our Climate is certainly changing, as can be witnessed by some stark differences in Synoptic patterns we are now experiencing. Back in the 1960's/70's when I was a lot younger, you could guarantee a few thundery, Southerly sourced "plumes" every Summer but in recent Years, these have been non-existent. The same can be said in our Winter Months, when I was a lot younger in the 1960's/70's, I could expect to witness a few decent Snow events, in my home Town of Bromley, Kent. Of course, we did have the "Beast from the East" visit us in February 2018 but these decent Snowfalls are now becoming few and far between. Perhaps President Dami fancies starting a Winter, Mild Haters Party. Count me in President. Regards, Tom.

Much thanks for your kind words, President, Would you like a little bit of thundery stuff [as I know you're a Brontophile], to go with your rain? This incredible light display, was captured over Mum's home Town of Caserta, Italy, in October 2017. Regards, Tom.

Morning President Dami, And all my fellow colleagues, in the Heat Haters Party. Totally agree with my fellow colleague, above. Those baying in the MAD Thread for more of what we endured in July, should try and come and live in the South East, and trying to sleep in a tiny bedroom. They might well, think again. But I'd better be quiet about that, otherwise I'll be labelled a "Guilt Tripper"!! Still very warm and humid, here in S.E. London, with the "Cavalry" gradually making inroads, from the N.W.: Just a little footnote, regarding my post Yesterday, about my Italian Mother. We certainly are in need of rain, especially down here in the South East but lets hope it falls more gently than it did on my Mother's home Town, of Caserta in Southern Italy, as it did in June 2011. Below is a Youtube clip of that event and apologies if you can understand any Neapolitan expletives uttered, the locals tend to get a bit excited about such things!!: BTW, GRANDINATA translates as Hailstorm. Regards, Tom.

Morning President Dami, and fellow Members of the Heat Hater's Party. Yes that's horrendous news, if it comes to fruition. Same with our Bedroom but I fear having fans blasting in our ears and eyes all night long, is starting to affect mine and my Wife's hearing and eyesight. My Wife claims she heard a Sainsbury's advert the other Night for henpecked Avocados, and distressed Prawns, Meanwhile, this Morning I'm sure I caught sight of a box of a Crotchless Quiche, in our Fridge. Could this be the Government's attempt to get Joe Public to buy, value brand food items, I wonder? My Wife has been dishing up some lovely and light Summery meals. Jacket Potato, Tuna mayonnaise and Coleslaw, Tonight. Have been keeping an eye on this Thread from afar last Week, as I was hosting a Horse Racing Competition, dedicated to the memory of my dearly, departed Italian Mother [Riposa In Pace[. Mum came to England in 1947, after marrying my Father, who served in the British Army in the 2nd World War, and met my Father in her home Town of Caserta, just north of Naples. This is how to eat, in this horrendous heat. Below, Mum on the left with my little Sis with her back to the camera, eating Al Fresco with members of her Italian Family. Plenty of Acqua Minerale, both naturale and frizzante, on the Table. The Italians know how to live when the temperature hits 40C, which it frequently does in her home Town, during the Summer. Close the shops, have a Siesta, and open again in the early Evening. But towards the end of her life, even Mum couldn't tolerate heat, anymore. Regards, Tom.

Bonjour à tous encore une fois, [Good Morning all again]. Has got very warm again, in our East facing Lounge, necessitating the use of Fatima, our Turkish exchange Student Fan, and Italian Todrana the Tower fan. Below, are the current temps. on Meteociel: Mine and Cobra Colette's nearest Recording Station of London City Airport, was showing a temp of 23c at 11.21, with a Relative Humidity of 47%. Speaking of French, which I think I just did? Our esteemed leader [President Dami] will no doubt have to use a bit Today, as she is off to Paris for talks with President Emmanuel Macron, regarding our Heat Haters Party building a Donald Trump like wall, along the length of the English Channel, to keep out invading French sweltering Air Masses, and their growing threat to lives and properties, here in the U.K. What happened to Brr- Exit? That seems to have turned into, Burn them, all. Good luck President Dami, we wish you well!! Meanwhile, back in the U.K. I see that Sir Chris Fawkes of Marple [Stockport], after helping to rid us of that disgusting heat a few Days ago, is now playing about with orange arrows and silly numbers, as we head towards next Weekend after a cooler few Days, following on from a very warm Sunday, for the South East. Don't do it Sir Chris, you may soon hold the record for the fastest rescinded Knighthood, ever!! Talking of silly "numbers". I think we should demand a return of Daniel Corbett. He who warned, "If taking Granny for a walk in the park, make sure you put an extra jumper on her Today, as it's going to be cold". Now, he knew how to talk about, troublesome Weather: Some of the performances lately, makes me wonder if Rory Bremner, should become a Meteorologist, or is that Francis "fluffy bits" Wilson? Regards, Tom.

Un très bon matin au président Dami, à l’étoile des Poissons et à tous les membres du Heat Haters Party. J’espère que je vous retrouverai, vous et vos familles, eh bien et que vous avez tous réussi à dormir un peu, au cours de ces dernières nuits plus fraîches. [A very good morning to President Dami, the Star of Pisces and all the members of the Heat Haters Party. I hope that I will find you and your families, well and that you have all managed to get some sleep, during these last cooler nights.] Merci beaucoup pour vos aimables paroles, l’étoile des Poissons. Bien sûr, vous n’êtes peut-être pas Français mais souffrant d’épuisement par la chaleur, il a fait assez chaud à Herne Bay récemment. [Much thanks for your kind words,the Star of Pisces . Of course you may not be French but suffering from heat exhaustion it's been pretty hot in Herne Bay recently.] I think? Google Translate has come to my rescue again. If the above is wrong, it's down to that translation tool, and not my French "O" level, which I gained many Moons ago. Je reviendrai plus tard, pour discuter des températures prévues plus tard. [I will be back later, to discuss forecast temperatures further down the line.] Jusqu’à plus tard tous, Cordialement [Until later all, Kind Regards.] Tom.

Afternoon all, I did go to Google Translate first, this time, and it's telling me that Mot Wheat, means Wheat Word but I think PiscesStar, meant more heat. This is indeed what Mr Tomasz Schafernaker of Gdansk, was hinting at last Night, on his MeteoGroup extended Forecast, Yesterday Evening. I think he was just throwing a tantrum because he didn't get a Knighthood, for being around to break the disgusting heat, of a few Days ago. That was your fault Tomasz, it was you who decided to disappear and leave all the dirty work, to your Female counterparts, who quite rightly received all the plaudits and Damehoods, for getting us out of this mess. But where do we go from here? Hopefully more will be revealed, later. Regards, Tom.

A very good early Morning to President Dami, and all fellow Colleagues in the Heat Haters Party Hope I find yourselves and your Families well, and still breathing a little more easily. Myself and Cobra Colette, finally got out for a bit of exercise after having to curtail my Wife's new health "kick", due to the ridiculously excessively high temperatures. We decided to kill two birds with one stone, and take a walk to Manor House Gardens, which is at the back of our local Sainsburys, in Lee Green. Nurse Colette [aka Luscious Legs], would then leave me in the Gardens, whilst popping to the Pharmacy in Sainsburys, to pick up my very important medication, for high Blood Pressure. But as soon as Nurse Colette was out of sight, I jumped up Andy like of Little Britain fame. Ran to the Cafeteria, downed an Iced Coffee and played two Sets of Tennis with Anna Kournikova. But I've told a bit of a Porkie, it was in fact just the one Set of Tennis but with the still very cute, Chrissie Lloyd-Evert. No, it is a double lie, I didn't play any Tennis with either of those two, Female legends of the Tennis Courts but just sat and watched a couple of young Ladies playing, whilst patiently waiting, for Colette, to return. We then walked around these very picturesque Gardens and then stopped off for my Iced Coffee, which went down very well. After being out for three and a half hours, we finally returned home at 1 P.M., and although I was wearing my Panama Trilby, I had what seemed like a Sunstroke headache, developing. But Cobra Colette, was right on the case, getting plenty of fluids down me, after Lunch and a couple of Paracetamol, packed me off to bed for a couple of hours. All in all we'd walked around three Miles, with my Wife doing another half a Mile extra. We both caught the sun a bit Yesterday but fortunately my Sun induced headache, quickly passed. Let me explain my Wife's, Luscious Legs nickname. I first clapped eyes on Colette, back on the 1st of July, 1999. I was in the Supermarket, close to where my Mother and Father, used to live. That Day, I was visiting Mum and Dad, and went across the Road, with my younger Sister, who was also visiting our Parents at the time. We had just reached the Check-Out, when I heard a voice call out to my Sister. I turned to see an attractive Lady, looking very chic with Sun Glasses perched on top of her head, and standing next to the French Bread. I duly noted that this Lady had a very fine pair of part baked Baguettes of her own, emerging below her brown, floral Sun-Dress. Although I hadn't met Colette before, she had been a School Friend of my Sister's, when they attended Primary and Secondary School, in our Home Town of Bromley, Kent, some Years earlier. Evidently, Colette thought I was my Sister's Boyfriend and the poor deluded fool was delighted to find out, that we were in fact Brother and Sister. My Sister had told me about this very attractive Friend that she had, who resembled the Actress Julia Roberts, around the eyes. Colette, then came back to Mum and Dad's to have a cuppa, with her old School Friend and myself. I could see what my Sister meant, about Colette's resemblance to Julia Roberts, and I found her company very pleasant. To my surprise, a couple of Weeks later, Mum received a letter addressed to myself. It was from Colette asking if I would like to go for a Coffee, with her. I gave her a call, and can remember on our first date, cooking an Italian meal for her, of Gnocchi with a type of Carbonara sauce, certainly NOT with cream but with a couple of eggs cracked over the Gnocchi, sauce and left to simmer on the hob, whilst the egg cooked. We were both very happy with how the date had gone, and Colette invited me back, a Week later. It was Colette's turn to cook , and she made a very delicious, Chilli con Carne. We had one more date before we went our separate ways but not before I got Colette the sack from an Opticians, where she had been a Receptionist, after she took time off to spend with me, the Day after our final Evening date. Being a Modern Technology Dinosaur, it wasn't until around 2006 that I finally got myself a Mobile Phone, and that was only because my Son and Daughter bought me one, for my Birthday. The first thing I did was to send that lovely Lady I met back in August 1999 a text, what I thought at the time, was a very smooth sounding, Italian one, which went as follows: "Ciao Colette, hai ancora bei Occhi, Capelli e Gamberi?". Colette, text back with, is that you Tomasino? [my fake Italian name}. Colette then forwarded the text to her Brother for translation, as he is married to an Italian Lady. On looking at my text, Colette's Sister-in-Law collapsed in a fit of giggles, and turned to Colette's Brother and said, do you realise what this individual has just text your Sister, it says "Hi Colette, do you still have beautiful Eyes, Hair and Prawns?" Those of you with a smattering of Italian will obviously have noticed my comical and embarrassing mistake. The Italian for legs is GAMBE, and GAMBERI does indeed mean, Prawns. Should have gone to "Google Translate", first!! Although my Wife claims otherwise, Colette still has very shapely Prawns. The moral of this very long and embarrassing Story is, whilst the Weather isn't too hot, get out and stretch your own Prawns!! We've now been married for 12 and a half Years, my poor, long suffering Wife, would've got less for Manslaughter. It was amazing what you could pick up in Waitrose at that time, even a prospective Wife. Sadly that Waitrose, which had been part of mine and Colette's life for so many Years, has now been replaced, by Lidl. Regards, Tom and the Owner of the beautiful Prawns.

Evening all, Hope all my Colleagues in the H.H.P. are well. and enjoying the cooler conditions, although it is still quite uncomfortable, here in S.E. London. Had a far more pleasant Afternoon nap, than I did Yesterday, when I thought I was going to pass out when I woke up. Due to the high humidity, I still needed Fabrizio, Petunia and Baby Tulip, on but as opposed to Yesterday, they were blowing out cool air. Cobra Colette has dispensed with our Duvet, and just left the Duvet Cover on our Bed. It felt so cool when I woke up, that I had to pull it over me. That felt so nice, after the previous 48 hours. What's this *S-B*, you want to cross the floor of the Netweather House, to join that other lot, in the H.L.P. [Heat Lovers Party] I've been in consultation with President Dami, who was very dismayed to hear of you plans, and we both feel you've been nobbled with an outrageous promise of a constant 25c temperature, during the Months of Summer. Our President is very reluctant to accept your resignation and has me asked to inform you, that we will guarantee two feet of Snow on Christmas Day, in your fair Town of Winchester. We could understand it if your reason for resigning, was to spend more time in the paddling pool during the Summer with your Family but this just smacks of dirty tricks!! Came downstairs to the drastic news that the Conservative Party had taken a "hit" out on one of it's leadership Candidates. The headline on Sky News read: - "Penny Mordaunt has been eliminated". Bit strong isn't it? Right, that's enough Politics from Yours Truly but please reconsider your position in the H.H.P., *S-B*. We don't want to be losing seats, to the H.L.P, now do we? Regards, Tom [Right Horrible Member for S.E. London, for the H.H.P.]

Much thanks, President. What we've lost in degrees C, we seemed to have gained a bit in humidity, now. Our local Recording Station of London City Airport, currently showed an air temp of 26c, Dew Point of 14c, and Relative Humidity of 48%.: That really dry , super heated air we've had for the last 2 Days, was recording Dew Points in single figures. You saw me warn Matt Taylor, which also is the case for those other prospective recipients of Damehoods, Knighthoods, and O.N.H.H.'s, no more silly numbers, because what can be given in one hand, can swiftly be taken away, in the other. Regards, Tom.

A very good early Morning to President Dami, and all fellow Heat Haters, Hope I find yourselves and your Families well, and starting to breathe a little more easily. Myself and Cobra Col, as was planned last Night, began sleeping on our 2 sofa [3 and 2 Seater] but my ultra cautious Wife was worried that I might topple off the 3 Seater and bang my head. She has forgotten that I had life saving Brain surgery, back in September 2015 and constantly worries that I'm going to lose my balance, and damage my head/Brain.Colette is about 5ft 6ins and Yours Truly, is about 5 ft 10 and a half. The half is very important to a vain,. half Italian. Me and 'er indoors getting hitched at Sidcup Registry Office, back in February 2010: My Wife made the Sofas up, and we settled down around 10 P.M., and watched Sky News, with reports of those horrendous Wildfires, across Greater London, and had to reassure Coleywobbles [my pet name for my very nervous Wife], that these fires, weren't coning this way. After Colette had cleared every possible danger to my safety out of harms way, including a very large, incongruous hexagonal Coffee Table, which I have very painful memories of, back in late 2016. After coming home from Hospital in 2016, I had to sleep in the Lounge for quite a few Months, until my balance had improved sufficiently, to manage walking up and down our stairs. One Night I tripped over said C.T., which gave me a very nasty multicoloured bruise, on a hip/upper leg for many Weeks. Colette is very much a creature of habit and believes that Bedrooms are for sleeping in and Lounges are for, lounging in. At 1 A.M. I woke to make a Bathroom visit and Colette was obviously uncomfortable and commented that the temperature upstairs had cooled considerably, and that we should relocate, back into the Bedroom, despite my protestations that this unusual sleeping arrangement was only a temporary measure, until the Black Hole of Kolkata had managed to shed itself of all that accumulative heat, it had built up over the last Week or so, I could see it was falling on deaf ears., and I agreed to go back upstairs. I had a quick look at the Meteox Radar, and saw that that vey thin line of Showers, had virtually dissipated, over our neck of the Woods, although I did see a report from one S.E. NW Member, who reported some convective rainfall, with a couple of rumbles of thunder, a little way to our East, over Bexleyheath. We may well have had some here in Lee but with Fatima Fan, Todrana the Tower Fan, and Baby Tulip the Turbo Fan, it was hard to make anything out, above their whirring? Colette then carried Tulip back upstairs, to rejoin her Parents, Fabriio Fan and Petunia the Pedestal Fan, and the Bedroom did seem quite a bit cooler, than the furnace I woke up to some 9 hours or so earlier, when I though I was going to pass out, after my Afternoon nap. At around 3.45 I was woken by what sounded like very heavy rainfall but it was hard differentiate, as I'm sure those of you that have a Fan in your Bedroom, between the whirring of Fab, Pet and Tulip, and whether or not it was rainfall,muffled rumbles of thunder or our Fan Family's motors running. I decided to come downstairs and investigate but the images on Meteox Radar, were inconclusive. There was a narrow band of sporadic looking ppn just to our East, linking back down to some more pronounced and electrified ppn, over Central/Eastern France. I went into our Kitchen and pulled apart Bethany Blind but it was difficult to see if the ground was wet, as it was still dark. There werde no reports of rain in the aresa, on the S,E, Regional Thread, so decided to make myself a cuppa and attempt to finalise my Fantasy Open Golf Competition, which I had to abandon Yesterday Evening, due to my still feeling faint, after Yesterday Afternoon's dodgy "turn". Anyway, that's for my Competition Thread, next door on the Lounge Forum. Back to heat hating. Below is the latest situation from our French friends, at Meteociel: Pleased to report that President Dami along with the majority of the South East Members of the Heat Haters Party have finally emerged from under those disgusting Reds and Oranges, and we are now in dark Yellow hues, Now a different chart, for a change, showing the fall in temperature of mine and Colette's nearest recording Station, around 7 miles to the North of Lee, at London City Airport: The temperature fell from 25c at Midnight and now is a more comfortable 20c but I see that the Dew Point stands at a rather muggy 17c and the relative hunidity, an equally muggy 83%. As was expected, one of the fellas, namely Mr Matt Taylor made a very late bid, with his candidature for Honours, with this piece of work: Weather for the Week Ahead - BBC Weather Be careful with those rising temperatures at the Weekend Matt, we don't want to back into silly numbers, do we? But Mr Taylor makes a good argument for temperatures to return close to average, next Week At the moment then he stands a very good chance of becoming Sir Matt of Blackburn [although he does sound a wee bit Scottish?]., and joining his other Male colleagues Sir Chris [Fawkes] of Marple [Stockport], Sir Nick [Miller] of York, and their Female counterparts, Dame Helen [Willetts] of Chester, our own Dame Jo [Farrow] of Norwich, Dame Laura [Tobin] of Northampton, Dame Louise [Lear] of Sheffield, Dame Sarah [Keith-Lucas] of Hastings, Dame Susan [Powell] of Wellington [Hereford], joining the 2 Ladies at a local level, receiving the Order of Netweather Heat Haters], those being Ms Kate Kinsella O.N.H.H., and Ms Sally Williams O.N.H.H. Cobra Colette has just appeared downstairs and made a very pertinent point, in the last 48 hours, some people have lost their lives and their properties, so those celebrating a new U.K. National record, should spare a thought for those poor unfortunates. But I thought I would finish on a lighter note, as it's not like me to be serious for too long. I'm so chuffed at the demise of this torrid Heatwave, apart from "crushing a grape", I may be tempted to don a Kaftan, and do a Demis Roussos, impression. To President Dami and all Members of the H.H.P.M hope you all have a lovely Day and go and take a lungful, of cooler air. P.S. Cobra Col has just appeared and I'd to propose [don't be silly I did that back in 2007], that I should bestow one final Damehood on her, for her quick action in implementing a fast thinking contingency plan, and saving me from possible expiration, Yesterday Afternoon, and for putting up with insanity, in general .I will in future be referring to her as - Dame Colette of Bromley [we are both Bromleyites][ Regards, Tom and Colette.

Totally agree with that Azazel. I can remember having a conversation with S.E. Meteorologist Ian Currie, during the very warm Summer of 2018. I was fortunate to meet Mr. Currie, a few Years earlier. He said that a lot of people are under the misconception, that heat automatically equates to thunder. Mr. Currie's response to that was, "It can be as hot as Hell but if there's no trigger in the Atmosphere, it simply won't thunder. And it has felt like Hell, these past few Days. Being half Italian, these very warm Summers remind me of the Italian climate in Summer. Yes, they do get T/Storms in mid Summer but these generally are of an electrical nature, when converging Sea breezes meet over the Apennine Mountains, down the central spine of Italy. The real thundery Weather, comes during the transition from Summer to Autumn, when Atlantic air starts to invade the Mediterranean Basin, replacing High Pressure. I was out there during early October one Year, and there was a very violent T/Storm, that rapidly flooded the Motorways. Regards, Tom.

Yes Lottie, my Brother-in-Law who lives just inland from Worthing, reporting something similar. A gusty wind with a Shower, on Worthing beach. Now back at home in his garden, with a more comfortable 23c. Regards, Tom.

Meteox Rainfall Radar showing a few Ppn spikes for London, during the next few hours. Will it rain today? Rainfall radar United Kingdom, realtime rainfall radar United Kingdom, lightning United Kingdom and snowradar in United Kingdom - source: meteox.com - rainfall radar Europe Colette's Brother, who lives near Worthing, reporting a slight Thundery Shower moving inland from the Channel and it's starting to feel cooler. Regards, Tom.

Hi Dami, Yes myself and Colette are watching these awful fires at Wennington, which is close to Stratford and Hackney, in East London. As the helicopter panned away just now, you could clearly see the Thames, and to think some of these fires may have been started deliberately!! Absolutely crazy!! Colette is just on the phone to her Son, who is relaying information that there is a Power Cut just around the corner from us, at Verdant Lane, Hither Green. Which is about a Mile away from us, here in Lee. Had quite a scary experience earlier. Went to have my Afternoon nap at about 2, and woke up at 3.15 and within a few minutes felt very faint. I doused myself down a couple of times, with a wet flannel but didn't feel any better. Fortunately, Colette heard me stirring and came up and put her contingency plan, into action. She got a bowl of cold water, immersed my feet in it and got me to drink a couple of glasses of very cold water. Even with the 3 fans [Fabrizio, Petunia and baby Tulip], the air in our Bedroom, is stifling. I managed to get downstairs and Colette made me put my feet in a larger bowl, of cold water, and draped a cold, wet flannel on the back of my neck. It seems to have done the trick, and I don't feel as faint as I did. She has just shown me a clip of a wildfire, on the side of the A2 at Bexley. Where are we, California for Pete's sake!! We've decided to sleep downstairs Tonight. I will have the 3 seater Sofa, and Colette the 2 Seater, will probably still need 3 fans on but the temp. is definitely lower, downstairs. Not in such a jokey frame of mind this Evening, after the above experience!! Stay safe, all. Regards, Tom and Colette.

Good morning Tom and Colette and all members of the Heat Haters Club. Afternoon Katrine and all: The current horrendous looking Meteociel, temperature chart. It's 38c 7 miles North of here, at London City Airport with the 'ole Point de Rosee, [Dew Point], at a fairly dryish 9c but would expect that to start climbing, now. Not sure my neighbours would Yours Truly wandering around in a bathing costume, frightening their children but think I will get myself a Demis Roussos style, Kaftan. Please to report that - Tulip the Turbo Fan, has settled i9n very nicely and very unusually for my Wife, pressganged her into going into service, immediately. Normally, ultra cautious Cobra Colette quarantines deliveries [apart from food], for 48 hours, and they get a wiping down with Dettol wipes, or whichever antibacterial cleaning solution, comes to hand first but not with our Tulip. She spent Yesterday Afternoon in our Lounge getting acquainted with all the furniture, apart from trying to cool me down, when I went for my Afternoon nap. Mum Petunia [Pedestal Fan] was very worried that her newly born Daughter had been kidnapped. or got mixed up with another Baby Fan, in our Fan Nursery. Mum and Dad [Fabrizio Fan], were very relieved to see last Night, when she joined us all in our Bedroom. Colette insisted on having our Bedroom door open, all Night but that was quite disturbing, as Cobra Col always makes sure that Lionel Light, is always on the landing all Night, just in case Yours Truly has a fall, during a Bathroom visit. I had to keep rewetting [is the correct grammar?}, Flo the Flannel. Yes, everything in this House, has an alliterated name. Poor Flo was being dried out rapidly on my bonce, mainly by Fab, Pet and Tulip. Little Tulip, spent all Night close to Clodagh the Curtains, and kept playfully blowing her, from side to side. Clodagh sits in front of Bethany Blind, the Welsh Twin Sister of Bethany, who is in service at the Kitchen Window. All 3 of them were fitted expertly by Blind Chris. He's not actually blind but he fits them, for Hilarys. When Chris came to fit them, Cobra Col inadvertently put her foot in it, big time. My Wife asked Chris what his Wife, does for a living? Chris, who is Polish, replied, "My Husband is a Professional Singer". Poor Colette looked as if she wanted the floor, to swallow her up there and then !! All credit to blind Polish Chris, who wasn't at all put out and after fitting Belinda and Bethany Blinds, measured up our Bedroom Window and gave us a quotation, for Clodagh Curtains. He also asked us to go along and see his Husband perform in a Musical about legendary Soul Singer, Aretha Franklin, called Queen of Soul. It was being performed at the Churchill Theatre, in our home Town of Bromley, Kent. We never did get to see the Husband of Blind Polish Chris perform but if you happen to have a fitting/quotation done by Blind Polish Chris, please give him our regards. He's a smashing bloke, and will do a good job, for you. Cobra Col was pleased to announce Yesterday, that she the first half of the Energy Crisis payment, had hit her Bank account. This is handy, as little Tulip the Turbo Fan, cost us £90, reduced from £110. Not sure if HMG want you to spend part of it on Fans but a Heatwave is energy, isn't it? Right, it's time to venture upstairs into the Black Hole of Kolkata, in an attempt to get some post lunch, shut-eye. I wonder if Cobra Col will transport Tulip back upstairs to join Fab and Pet, in an attempt to make the Bedroom comfortable enough, to sleep in. Regards, Tom.

Morning to President Dami and all Members of the H.H.P. Hope I find yourselves and your Families well and coping with this disgusting heat. Unlike Mt Tugendhat, this Tom is hanging in there!! Morning Gray Wolf, can you play a Bouzouki and have a high pitched voice? Just said to 'er indoors [Cobra Colette], if this heat is to be the norm now, think I'll get myself a Kaftan, as well. We could earn ourselves a bit of extra dosh. by doing impersonations of this 'fella: But give the Lovely Sunny Day a rest, Demis. Can we have a bit of Our Friend the Wind, to blow this disgusting Weather, away: Regards, Tom.

A very good early Evening to President Dami, and fellow members of the H,H,P. [Heat Haters Party[. Myself and my Wife, had the pleasure of hearing tiny whirring feet, this Morning. More on that, in a short while. This is the obscene scene, from a short while ago. But the Dew Point temps are reflecting that the air, is still pretty dry at the moment: Our local Recording Station of London City Airport [7 miles to the North of Lee], is currently recording a temp. of 34c, and a Dew Point of 9c. I fear this is going to look a little different, Tomorrow!! Yesterday Evening, yet another Female Forecaster threw her hat into the ring, in an attempt to rid the Country of this disgusting Weather. Step forward, Ms Susan Powell. Ms Powell put together a very convincing case, and should she prove to be correct, surely is worthy of a Damehood, and I propose she should join, Dame Helen of Chester, Dame Laura of Northampton and our own Dame Jo of Norwich, in becoming Dame Susan of Wellington [Hereford]. Below, is Ms Powell's evidence to support her candidature, with added Synoptic chart. Ms Powell looked suitably attired, in what began as a "Dante's Inferno" of a Forecast but then produced this game changing, Cold Front: Which then led on to this, much more pleasant viewing for all Members, of the H.H.P.: Rumour has it that Mr Ben Rich has also thrown his hat into the ring, in a bid for a Knighthood, this Evening. Hurry up Mr. Rich, I'm running out of "Virtual" Honours!! As I stated at the start of this Post, myself and my Wife were treated to the sound of tiny whirring feet, this Morning Our English Rose of a Pedestal Fan, Pet [Petuna] - ] gave birth to this little Sweetheart - who has been christened, Tulip the Turbo Fan. I didn't realise that Pedestal Fans, had such a short gestation period, all of two Days, to be precise. It's only been 3 Days since Pet has been left alone with Fab [Fabrizio Fan]: Although getting on in Years, Fab is still obviously virile enough, for Fatherhood. Both Fab and Pet spent last Night, flirting and oscillating towards each other. But I'm a little concerned for the wee bairn, her Parents have already given her a tattoo on her forehead, which says "Honeywell". I blame her Mother Pet, who also has a tattooed forehead, hers depicts a crown. I've told a little Porkie of course, little Tulip was in fact delivered by a kind Lady from Argos, and not by the Pedestal Fan, Midwife. Got woken up from my Afternoon nap, by my Wife sprinkling me with cold water, insisting that I put a cold, wet flannel on my head and getting me to dip my toes in a bowl of cold water, Colette is really taking this National Emergency seriously, so much so, I've given her the nickname of Cobra Colette. Cobra Col, has just dished up a delicious Summery meal of sliced chicken, cold new potatoes, coleslaw and beetroot. It's all part of Cobra Col's new healthy regime, which has resulted in both of us losing a Stone in weight over the past 6 Weeks, which should have resulted in both our B.M.I [Big Muncher's Index], coming down. Apologies for this irreverent nonsense, probably a bit of heat exhaustion. Think I need to go and get my cold, wet flannel!! Regards, Tom.

Morning all again, As I hinted at in my previous, I would now like to introduce you to mine and my Wife's family, of five fans. Most trustworthy and longest serving, is Fabrizio Fan: He has been the most cost effective item, I've ever bought from Argos, and came with a remote control. Now, Petunia the Pedestal Fan, another from the Argos Stable: Both Fab and Pet, are in service in our Bedroom, if we can stop them flirting with each other!! Now our Turkish Exchange Student Fatima Fan, who was also acquired from Argos and not shipped over, from Istanbul. You've probably noticed, she's very pale for a young, Turkish Female but here she is: Now, Todrana the Tower Fan, a young, tall, slim slip of an Italian Female, her skin darkened by many Italian Summers: Fats and Todi, are responsible for attempting to cool our Lounge, down. Would you believe it, the above 4 fans will be joined by Tulip the Turbo fan, early on Monday Morning:, who is yet another Argos purchase: My Wife is concerned that either Fab or Pet will have a breakdown/meltdown in the Bedroom. due to the excessively high temperatures. She tells me, when they were allowed to have one on in the Residential Care Home where she worked, it was very effective at cooling down the temperature. You may have noticed that all the above have 2 letter alliterated, Christian names. Myself and my Wife are total "barnpots" [no kidding, Sherlock], and have given all our electrical items, the same 2 letter alliterated names. Hence we have, Freddie Fridge, Frankie Freezer, Kenny Kettle, Michelle Microwave and Terry Television. Right, enough Tomfoolery from Yours Truly, I need to turn Todi [Todrana], up. Stay cool and chill!! Regards, Tom.

Morning to all my fellow colleagues, in the Heat Hater's Party. Hope I find yourselves and your Families are well, and continue to cope with this awful Weather. Sitting in our East facing Lounge, with that blazing Sun playing on the windows and although we have the curtains closed, I have had to put both our Lounge fans, on. More news on our Family of fans later, which will increase to five, on Monday Morning. I have two more Ladies in line for a Damehood, should their Forecast of a demise of this horrendous heat, prove correct. Joining those Ladies I propose to be honoured, is our very own, Ms Jo Farrow. Jo has put together a very convincing plan, to rid us of this crazy heat. See evidence below: Red warning for Extreme Heat with exceptional, perhaps record-breaking, temperatures (netweather.tv) Worrying initially but Jo goes on to explain how this is likely, to all end. A very convincing argument Jo, and we are all praying that you've got this right. If this should indeed prove accurate, I propose that Netweather's Meteorologist will be honoured as, Dame Jo of Norwich. If you should read this Jo, I can't actually see any reference to your place of birth. I see that you studied Geophysical Sciences, at the U.E.A in Norwich but other than that, I can't find another Town/City, to honour you with. I hope that is suitable, Jo. Yet another Lady has put forward her candidature, for a Damehood. Joining the growing list is, Ms Louise Lear. See her evidence, below: If Ms Lear proves correct in her Forecast of and end to this torturous heat, I propose she should receive a Damehood and be known as, Dame Louise of Sheffield. I now make that five Female Meteorologists I've suggested should receive a Damehood, for all the diligent work they are doing, to rid us all of this ghastly Weather. Chris, Darren, Matt, Nick, Stav and Tomasz, where are you? Surely the BBC/MeteoGroup havn't allowed you to take a Holiday, just as the Country, faces a National Emergency? Regards, Tom.

Sympathise with you, D.S. I speak from experience, as my Wife was a Senior Carer in a local Residential Care Home. The Residents, a lot of them in their 70's, 80's and 90's, would complain if the Windows were open and ventilation Fans were turned on, even in the hottest Summer temperatures. She had to wear a Uniform that was hardly conducive to comfort, a Polyester Tunic and black nylon Trousers. Below, is a photo of my good Lady at work, writing up the Care Plan of a Resident: No wonder she came home dripping with sweat, and had to jump straight in the Shower, after a 12 hour shift. Unfortunately, my Wife suffers from the Arthritic form of the AutoImmune condition, Psoriasis. Close to the start of the Pandemic, she was advised by her G.P., to give up her job, as contracting the Coronavirus could have led to dire consequences, for my Wife. A Cytokine Storm could have resulted, with her Immune System going into overdrive, and attacking her organs and all soft tissue, in her body. Although she is now in constant pain, giving up her job in my opinion has been a "blessing in disguise". Having to suffer that level of discomfort, whilst looking after the elderly, being paid a pittance and putting your health at risk, simply isn't worth it!! Mr Chris Fawkes has fleshed out his portfolio, to further his candidacy to become - Sir Chris of Marple [Stockport]. Despite some initial depressing news, Chris ends his extended Forecast with some positive news: Weather for the Week Ahead - BBC Weather Another colleague of Chris Fawkes, namely Nick Miller, singing from the same hymn sheet, in a bid to become - Sir Nick of York. Just like his Colleagues and counterparts, I wish him well with his predicted easing of this infernal; [or should that be inferno], heat!! Regards, Tom.

Morning to all my fellow colleagues, in the Heat Hater's Party. Hope I find yourselves and your Families are well, and coping with this horrendous Weather. I would now like to post up a copy of a Statement I made, following P.D.Q's [President Dami's Questions], early on Wednesday Afternoon, regarding the expected ludicrous rise in temperatures, and some evidence of an expected easing of conditions, by mid- Week next Wednesday. I will include evidence, to back up my proposals. "I'm sure our esteemed Leader, The Right Honourable Member for Bedfordshire, would agree with me that those individuals who have staked their reputations, on their claim to a drastic reduction in temperatures, come next Week, should they be correct in their Forecasts, deserve to be honoured. I put it to all Members of the Netweather House, including those Members opposite, in the H.L.P. [Heat Lovers Party], that the following, should be duly decorated as long as their Forecasts, are correct. I propose that Ms Helen Willetts, should become - Dame Helen of Chester. Below, is supporting evidence of Ms Willett's claim: Also that Ms Laura Tobin, if correct with her Forecast will also be Knighted and become - Dame Laura of Northampton. Below, is supporting evidence of Ms Tobin's claim: Another Female Forecaster, with a similar view of the situation, is Ms Sarah Keith - Lucas. I think she should also qualify for a Damehood, if correct with her Forecast and be made - Dame Sarah of Hastings. Below, is evidence of Ms Keith - Lucas's claim. Ms Keith - Lucas looks about to topple over and obviously suffering from heat exhaustion : I'm sure some of their Male colleagues will be stepping up to the plate, in the next few Days. Arise Sir Tomasz of Gdansk, Sir Chris of Marple [Stockport], Sir Darren of Scunthorpe but of course his Knighthood will be rescinded if he dare utter his favourite phrase in the Winter, "At least it will be Mild". Not forgetting Sir Matt of Blackburn/Glasgow. I also propose that at a local level, the following Ladies should receive an O.N.H.H. [Order of Netweather Heat Haters]: Ms Kate Kinsella. Below is Ms Kinsella's supporting evidence: Also at a local level, namely London/S.E. . Ms Sally Williams should also be honoured, if her extended Forecast should be accurate. Below is Ms William's supporting evidence: Perhaps my Right Hon. colleagues in the H.H.P. might like to put forward their own candidates for honours, at both a National and local level? No doubt there will be some opposition to these proposals, from the H.L.P. [Heat Lover's Party] opposite but I'm convinced if all Members of the H.H.P. turn up in the Lobbies to vote, my Motion will be carried. Regards, Tom [Right Horrible Sweaty Member of the H.H.P., for S.E. London].

Myself and my Wife, who is also my Carer, have got our hearts set on a move to a Bungalow, a few Miles in land from the West Sussex Coast. Anything to escape the heat and humidity of our "Dolls House" sized property here in S. E. London. I reached State Pension age last Year and my Wife is 10 Years younger than me, and we don't want to be spending our Retirement, in the concrete Jungle that is London. Hopefully, we can get our move sorted before too many more, of these stifling Summers. Regards, Tom.

Totally agree, Lass. Never mind a Cold Weather Payment, I vote for a Hot Weather Payment. Might be a more acceptable legacy, once Mr. Johnson finally gets evicted from Downing Street. We've got two fans on in our Lounge at the moment, and will need two fans on in our Bedroom Tonight. We've been fortunate during the last few Nights, that the Dew Points have been relatively low around 11c, with the air being so dry. I see our nearest Recording Station [London City Airport], has a recent Point de Rosee [Dew Point], of 14c. That's the same as yours, at Northolt Lass. See below: I dread to think how high the humidity may get, if we start to pick up more of a S. flow, down here!! Roll on Autumn. Regards, Tom.

Yes C.C., same in my Mother's Country, of Italy. Nothing is open in the Afternoon [Shops, etc] but reopen again, in the early Evening. My Mother's home Town of Caserta [about 30 miles North of Naples], often sees temps in the late 30's C, during the Summer Months. But unlike the U.K., their buildings are designed, with long hot Summers, in mind. The locals are very respectful of heat, and normally have a bit of a Siesta, during the hottest part of the Day and then like to promenade in the Evening, as the temps start to ease back a little. Regards, Tom.