OH GRIT! LONDON BOROUGH TO DISAPPEAR IN SIBERIAN SHUTDOWN
Council Chiefs in Croydon were forced to adopt their emergency Plan S today as warnings of a enormous dump were issued by their chief forecaster and head of grit spreading.
'We will be spreading grit from morning until night and then from night until morning, and all other available times, for as long as it takes to make sure there is grit everywhere' said Chief Forecaster and Head of Grit Spreading, Y Amkin. 'I have plenty of grit of my own that I am willing to spread if necessary' he added, before fastening himself into a snow plough.
A spokesperson for neighbouring borough Surrey said that if Croydon did disappear they would be offering jobs to those council employees who would otherwise lose out. 'Although, not all of them' he mysteriously added.